Entitled...

I read this blog post yesterday and it really stuck with me.  There are so many times that I think I have made something happen or that I deserve something.  Most of the time I can creep into that mindset without even realizing it.  I start thinking things like the ones he mentioned in the blog post:

Life should revolve around ME.
Relationships are about meeting MY needs.
Fruitful ministry is the result of MY effort.
The things I have are because of MY hard work.

In reality, everything I have and everything I am has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the God who lives in me and who I allow to use me when He sees fit.  I love the list at the end of the post of questions that I feel like I should ask myself more often:

Who did it?
Who grew it?
Who led it?
Who inspired the idea?
Who got you through the crisis?
Who took it to the next level?
He did. As in, not you.

You should take a second and read the whole post - it's really good and filled with reminders that every good and perfect gift is from him, including my trials. (See also James 1).

Lists, lists, lists

• Apparently only list posts will be happening in the month of January.
• I spent last weekend out at Possum Kingdom lake with all our girl leader's for student ministries.  It was such a great weekend out of Dallas hanging out with friends and meeting new people.  I didn't take a single picture, but it was wonderful.
• I found out I don't like brussel sprouts, but I love cooked bell peppers.  This is news people.  But I still won't eat them raw.
• I also faced my fear of putting air in my car tires.  It was successful. Thank goodness.
• I am doing The Journey (a bible reading plan through my church) this year. We are in Isaiah right now.  I can't say that I've ever read all the way through it.  I think I always give up, but I'm really enjoying it this time around and learning a lot.
• One of my friends from high school started a blog.  It's way fun for me, because of course, I know him.  But their life is crazy.  He and his wife are my age, have three boys, two of which are twins on the autism spectrum.  I love reading their story and reading how they figure out what it looks like to love these boys and follow Christ in the midst of it all.  You should check it out. 
• I've been a little bit of a funk lately.  The cold weather, some frustration with different areas of my life, and I don't know what else have played a part.  I'm thankful that I got a chance to lay it all at the feet of Jesus this weekend at the retreat.  This week is better. 
• Lindt Dark Chocolate with a touch of sea salt is heavenly.  You should try it. Sounds weird, but it is amazing!

Random Tidbits

• My tire pressure light has been on since the temperature dropped below freezing.  Happens every time.  But I have a fear of putting air in my tires.  There was an incident in college.  Let's just say I did more harm than good.
• Oh, and my car needs gas.  Desperately.
• It snowed yesterday.  I heart snow.  And it wasn't so much snow that the whole town of Dallas thought they needed to shut down...which was even better.
• I wore athletic tights to work today.  And Uggs.  I mean, the high was 35 degrees.  But at least I put a nice sweater with them.
• I love peanut butter.  I've already eaten small amounts of it twice today.  I might see if I can work in a third. Earth Balance chunky is my favorite kind...in case you care.
• Body Pump might be my new favorite form of exercise. 
• I got to meet these little guys this evening.  They are absolutely precious and tiny! I might steal one...she has two...she can share, right?
• I bought brussel sprouts at the store today.  I'm going to try and find more vegetables I like, so I'm going to try a new one every time I make a grocery trip.
• I cooked dinner in the crock pot.  I think I should do it more often.
• I've made some great food lately.  You should try them both!

Longing

So, I realize this isn't the first time I've broached this topic here on the old blog.  And really, I could be doing something more productive, like posting pictures from Christmas parties and Christmas presents made.  But this is what's in my head and heart right now, and I think I want to get it out.  In writing. 

Lately, I've had the privilege of spending time with my friends who have kids.  I absolutely adore getting to hang out with these families.  Monday night, I was keeping one of my friend's little boy while they went to her husband's company Christmas party.  Sweet boy is growing through some separation anxiety.  So as soon as mom and dad walked out the door, he was hysterical.  It didn't last too long, but there was absolutely nothing I could do to comfort him.  Because I'm not his mom.  Sure, he likes me.  I get told often I'm good with kids, we play well when mommy and daddy are around, but I am not mom, the one who brings the most comfort.

I was struck sitting there a little later that evening as the boy slept, how much I long to be the one who comforts my child, the one who some child needs more than anyone else. (Wow...that sounds codependent...but really, I just long to have a family).  I have a longing, a desire, that is most definitely not being fulfilled right now.  And deep down, I'm okay with that.  But there are moments like Monday night when it just hits me that those desires are still there.  I desire to be a wife.  I dream of being a mom.  I long to have a family all my own. 

I am tempted in the midst of these desires to sucked into discontentment, comparison, jealousy, and maybe even a little anger. But throughout all of these thoughts, the truth that I know runs through my head.  Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4).  My God has always done what's best for me and He does not change (James 1:17).  As cliche as it may be, my God has a plan for me, one I know that I can trust (Jeremiah 29:11). And so many more, but this post is getting long. 

The things that encourage me most (other than truth from God's Word, of course) in times like these:
- Community. Single girls walking through the same emotions I am.  We are reading a book right now called Shattered Dreams.  I'm not very far into it, but I can tell you for sure that this book is going to touch deeply on my dreams of being married and having a family. 
- Married friends.  It might seem crazy, but I am never so blessed as when my married friends let me step in and be a part of their families.  Let me sit down at the dinner table with them like I belong there, because sometimes I feel like I don't.  Let me love on their kids and not feel like I'm completely missing out on a phase of life.  And just being my friend.  I read an article on Relevant's web site not to long ago that sent me to tears as I was reminded of how blessed I am by the married friends in my life.
- The simple reminder that God's not done.  He doesn't have a timeline that looks like mine.  And for that I am thankful. 

What encourages you when you find discontment growing in your heart?

26/30: In a Tweet

I saw this on a blog I read and couldn't help but copy it.  Describe yourself. In 140 characters or less (the length of a tweet).  Here's mine:

Single girl. Loves God. Strives to know His will and who He made me to be. Compassionate, loving, growing, serving, ever-changing, His.

What's yours?



And today's outfit:

22/30: Where would I be?

Yesterday was such a full day - both literally and figuratively.  I was at church most of the day for different things and when I wasn't, I was with my roommate and/or friends.  It was pretty much busy non-stop, but I was continually reminded of God's work in my life and how everything I've done, everywhere I've been, every step I've taken has been because He working in my life.  I really couldn't have asked for a better day.  And to top it off, Mike (our senior high director) presented the gospel at Shoreline last night.  And I got to pray with a girl who is pretty new to our church to accept Christ.  Talk about a cool ending to a great day! Looking back on the day - the chorus of a song we sang yesterday morning couldn't be more fitting!

Where would I be without my Savior

Where would I be without His unending mercy.

I have life because His life was laid down.

I won't look back now.

And today I am officially halfway through the 30 for 30 craziness!  I was pretty wiped out from my non-stop weekend, so I went with an easy, go-to kind of outfit.  And, there's no way I could have put on a sweater, since the high here today is about 80 degrees.  Ewww.  That's all I have to say about that.

Thoughts on a Friday

• It's been a whole month since I posted on this blog.  I think it's time for a comeback.
• I've got a ton of pictures sitting on my camera waiting to be blogged.  Showers thrown, birthdays celebrated, all coming very soon.
• I'm pretty sure everyone I know is having a baby. I counted this morning, I think it's going to be 9 babies before the end of 2010.  It's very exciting and makes me want to churn out baby crafts left and right.  It also occasionally sends me into momentary "I'm 2 life stages behind" freak outs.  But they are brief, and never overshadow my excitement for my friends. 
• I have no plans for Memorial Day weekend and am very excited about it.  Relaxation and yard work, here I come.
• Rebekah and I are running the Nike Women's Half Marathon in San Francisco in October. Deborah will most likely be working it, so it will be a Welch sister weekend! Super excited, and I better get a move on.  (OH, and you get a Tiffany's necklace instead of a medal when you finish...so excited!)
• My friends Laura and Spencer are in the single digits in the countdown to the wedding...next weekend is going to be a fun one full of wedding festivities.
• I've been thinking a lot about the meaning behind Memorial Day and am so thankful for the people who serve our country so that I can live the life I do.
• I'm pretty much an expert weed puller now.  My backyard was (and still is) full of them.  The progress is slow, but I'm about halfway through the flower beds.  It's a little intense. 
• I just finished up small group for my girl's sophomore year.  We had a great time reflecting on what they've done with the first half of high school and what they want to do with the next two years.  I am blessed and challenged by those sweet girls.
• I think that might be all the randomness that I have in me this morning.  More life updates to come!

Today

Today.  I am back at work after a week off.  I've been skiing with the high school kids from church. 

I've been to my grandparent's house for Christmas.  I've been to College Station for Christmas with Mama's side of the family. There's plenty of pictures and blog posts of all of these things to come.  But today, I'm sitting at my desk sifting through what came in this. 

The papers that will make me an official Certified Public Accountant.  That's right.  It's old news to most, but I passed the last part of my exam.  I am done forever with studying!  Done forever with balancing full-time job, student ministries, friends, AND studying for that gosh awful test!  I'm not sure I ever thought it would be done, but it is.  Praise the Lord!  Literally.  Months ago, while I was studying, my mom sent me these verses.  I've had them taped to my computer monitor ever since. 

May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed. 
We will shout for joy when you are victorious
and will life up our banners in the name of our God. 
May the LORD grant all your requests. 
Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
he answers him from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand. 
Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.   
                                       Psalm 20: 4-7

I love reading these verses now.  I did shout for joy the morning I got my scores.  I was on ski trip.  It was 5am.  I woke up and pulled the website with the scores up on my iPhone.  When I saw that I had passed, that I was done forever, the tears fell.  Tears of joy, tears of accomplishment, tears of praise to the Lord.  Glory to God - He is good!

Why oh why...

...must everything so beautiful cost so much money. Exhibit A - Smart Wool tights. I happened upon them when I was out at lunch finishing up my family Christmas shopping. I mean, first of all, I love tights. I like being able to wear skirts and dresses in the winter. Second, I love smart wool. I wear their socks to run in a lot. Everything is so soft, these tights included. But these tights are $44. Yes, I said $44...for tights!!! They are beautiful, soft, and oh so nice. And they are purple. I love them. But I definitely don't think they are worth $44. Sad day...so for now, I'll just dream.

Highlights

• Test is over!!  As always, I'm not sure how it went.  There were five parts, three of them being multiple choice.  The second part I was sure I was going to fail.  Other than that it was pretty good.  
• My wonderful parents got me a hotel room last night (my test was over in Fort Worth).  I had a wonderful night relaxing, studying, and enjoying the peace and quiet (and maybe watching the Project Runway finale before I fell asleep last night).  
• It hasn't hit me yet that I don't have to study tomorrow.
• I had a great time with friends and my sister at Gloria's tonight. I don't have pictures, hopefully I can get the group picture from Karla and stick it in here later.
• Tomorrow I plan on sleeping in, watching 90210 on Soap Net (I know, quality), going for a long walk/run at White Rock, relaxing, and going to church. 
• I could not be more excited about heading home for Thanksgiving.  
• Today my parents and sister Deborah are at a dear family friend's wedding in Estes Park, Colorado.  I am so sad I couldn't be there.  I hope they took lots of wonderful pictures.  
• And today has involved a whirlwind of emotions - anxiousness, determination, relief, hope, exhaustion, frustration, and again can I say relief!!
• And now I'm off to sleep.  Tomorrow is a new day!
  

Random Thoughts on Dressing

I am sitting on my couch.  I have dressing in the oven for a work Thanksgiving potluck tomorrow. 

How on earth is it already Thanksgiving? I'm pretty sure just yesterday I was sitting here doing the same thing for last year's potluck.

Making dressing makes me think of Mama.  She taught me how to make it.  It was the thing we made together every Thanksgiving since I decided I wanted to learn how. 

Growing up my mom would let us choose our meal for our birthday dinner.  You could almost always bet that I would pick turkey and dressing.  I was quite a pain of a little child.  But I guess no more difficult than Deborah's fried quail.  I mean, someone had to go out and kill those!

Oh, dressing.  Thanksgiving.  Fall.  The Holidays.  I love it all.

Things I'm Looking Forward To...

• First, and probably most obviously, my test being finished. Five days in case anyone is counting.
• And Gloria's with friends the night after my test!
  
• Thanksgiving with my family. I'm so excited to be home with everyone.
• Going to lounge night at CityCraft with the girls. I haven't even been to the store yet, but I hear it's amazing.
• Along the same lines, I am very much looking forward to working on all the homemade Christmas gift ideas I have floating around in my head!! There are so many different things I would LOVE to be working on right now. It's taking all my willpower to study and not bust out my sewing machine!
  
• The photography class that I signed up for in December!
  
• Ski trip with my high school girls. I know I have at least a couple of my girls going and it should be a blast!
• And the tour of families Christmas vacation. Actual Christmas with my grandparents and Dad's side of the family. The day after Christmas with all of Mama's siblings and their families (an annual tradition that we haven't gotten to be a part of in quite a few years), and then New Year's weekend with my immediate family.
  

I'm looking forward to all of these things. They are keeping me going as I push through five more days of studying.

Flashback

So, I'm home sick this afternoon. A little giving blood gone wrong. I couldn't decide what I might post about, and then glanced back and saw all my yearbooks sitting on my bookshelf. I've been thinking a lot about high school lately. Probably the combination of my small group girls being sophomores and the fact that ten years ago I was a senior. That's just crazy. Makes me feel old. Ten years ago I was finishing up volleyball season, about to start basketball season taking stats for the varsity girl's team, and then would start golf season in spring. I was president of the student council, one of three people taking calculus that year, and had a very serious case of senioritis. When I think about high school it's just crazy. I had no idea what kind of world was waiting for me outside of Fritch, Texas. (Semi-interesting wikipedia article on Fritch found here if you were ever interested in where I grew up). And here's where the post transitions into what I might call self-humiliation. The pictures are terrible...I took pictures with my iphone of my yearbook pages, but these are all from my senior year and I thought they were fairly entertaining!

Golf Team - One of my best friends Lesley is in the big picture, I'm in the smaller on the right.

Oh the very stereotypical senior yearbook picture.

And graduation. In my humble opinion it's much better to just see the picture and not hear the terrible accent you hear if you've ever seen the video of this moment.

Cartwheels of Joy

Though the cherry trees don’t blossom and the strawberries don’t ripen,
Though the apples are worm-eaten and the wheat fields stunted,
Though the sheep pens are sheepless and the cattle barns empty,
I’m singing joyful praise to God.
I’m turning cartwheels of joy to my Savior God.
Counting on God’s Rule to prevail, I take heart and gain strength.

Habakkuk 3:17-19 (The Message)

Yesterday I was catching up on my Google Reader from the weekend, and read this entry. (You should go read it, it's short). I could kind of relate. For a lot of this past year I've just felt off. It's been hard, for some of the big reasons I've mentioned on here, and for some smaller stuff that I've just been wrestling through, and some struggles that seem to master me over and over again no matter how hard I try to avoid them. When it boils down to it, this year has just been hard. Hard physically. Hard emotionally. And if I'm really honest, hard spiritually. I loved these verses that she pointed out in her blog post (and can I talk about how much I love The Message translation sometimes?!). I feel like this year has been one where the trees of my life haven't blossomed, and things have felt empty. But amidst all the hard stuff, there has also been the overwhelming joy that can only come from God. Amidst the hard times, I can stand in church or at a retreat or in my car as I'm driving down the road and sing joyful praises to my God. These verses were such a sweet picture to me of this year. In every challenging and hard thing I've walked through, the Lord has been there. Walking with me. Restoring me. Teaching me. Growing me. And if that doesn't make you want to sing praises and turn cartwheels I'm just not sure what will.

July is almost over?!

Wow - it's been a long time since I posted on my blog. It has been a whirlwind month or so. From finding out I failed my test, to finding out our landlord is going to sell our house and having it put on the market, to one of our busiest months of the year at work, to the trips home to say
goodbye to Mama and then for the funeral. I feel like I haven't breathed normal or really been my normal self for a whole month. But I'm working on it. I'm working on getting discipline and a schedule back in my life with working out and studying again.

I'm looking at Boden on a daily basis during my lunch break and wanting to order cute fall

clothes, but restraining because it's months from being fall here, and because that whole discipline thing goes into my budget as well. But a girl can dream of wonderully colorful scarves & sweaters & skirts.

I guess that's really about all I've been up to. Really, just trying to get back into the routine of life. I've started a post about my Mama, but haven't been able to finish it yet. But I will, she was very special to me, and she deserves her place here...it just might take a little time.

Surreal

I'm sitting here. In a hospice. My Mama is dying. It came on sudden. It is sad, but she has been fighting the physical effects of a stroke since 1996, and I am happy that she is headed to a place where she'll be able to feel her whole body, not just her left side. Where she won't have to ride a scooter. And where she gets to be with the One who changed her life and made her the woman that she was.

Sitting with my family today, and reflecting on her life has made me so thankful for the legacy that she is leaving for me. I have a grandmother who loves Jesus with all her heart. I was thumbing through her bible today, and happened upon this verse underlined, with my name and 1983 written next to it: "But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children." She has sought the Lord with her life, she has served people, and she has taught me how to fight, and she will be missed so much.

I just got here today. I have been working this week, because of course, like everything else in life (think crazy surgery in the middle of tax filing season), it happens when work is crazy and the timing makes for insanity. I feel like I spent most of this week torn between two worlds. The world where I could be useful, and do my job, and the world where I really wanted to be, with my family. I am thankful that I get to be here now. With my family. It has fun to sit with my family and tell stories about her life and just remember who she has been in our lives. It has been emotional, but good.

I'm not sure why I'm sitting here writing this, but I haven't blogged in a while. It's what's going on in my life. So, there you have it.

I heart community

Community is a word we throw around a lot at Watermark. I've been hearing about the wonder of it since I started going to church there over four years ago, but only in about the last year has it become something that I really understand. I am a part of an awesome group of girls composed of Sarah, Jen, Karla, Katie, Caroline (up until she got married this month), myself, and led by sweet Caryn. These girls have really become community to me. A group of girls who truly know me. They know my struggles, they know my hurts, they know my victories. They help me make decisions. They are wise counsel in my life. They tell me when I'm headed the wrong direction with my thinking. I am so thankful for them and everything that they are in my life. I love you girls - You have made me believers in this thing we call community!

Me & Sarah at Caroline's wedding.

Caryn, Jen, & Karla at Caroline's wedding.

Katie, Jen, Karla & me at D T0wn.

Jen, Sarah, Karla & me waiting in line for ICE!

Travel Adventures - D.C. Edition

**I am VERY bitter right now. I just typed up an entire blog about my trip to D.C. and Blogger promptly deleted it all. SO, if you'd like to see any details of the trip, you can see Erin's blog, with her wonderfully detailed post about our time together!

The highlights of the trip included the Hirshhorn Museum which houses contemporary and modern art including an exhibit called Strange Bodies. The National Gallery of Art. A couple of lazy mornings at Erin's apartment. Some wonderful pizza. When Harry Met Sally. Chips & queso. Artomatic - a wonderful local art show full of crazy exhibits, including on made completely of Peeps. Lot's of quality time with Erin. Some time in Georgetown (I would move there tomorrow if I could - it's so cute). And riding the Metro - I heart public transportation that actually works!

Artomatic - Clue: Peeps style.

Artomatic: Art is Math. Math is Art.

Georgetown - love it!

Hirshhorn: Art made completely of butterfly wings.

"I think this map should have a You Are Here arrow!"

I love you friend and had a great time! Can't wait until you're here in a couple of weeks!

*If you'd like to see more pictures, you can find them here: http://picasaweb.google.com/sarah.d.welch/DCJune2009#

Crazy Eights

My friend Kristie tagged me. I don't often actually do these things, but I decided it could be fun!

8 Things I'm Looking Forward To...

1. Several movies I want to see in the next month or so (Harry Potter, My Sister's Keeper, The Proposal, Up)
   
2. My parents coming to visit in July.
   
3. Getting my last CPA exam results (hopefully very soon!)
   
4. Cabo with the sister in October.
   
5. GAFIA in Waco with the college roomies Labor day weekend!
   
6. Dinner with the community group at Pattrizio's on Thursday.
   
7. Rebekah moving back to Texas (especially exciting because it's Dallas!)
   
8. The compound. If you understand this - I'll see you there, if not, you can just ignore this one.

8 Things I Did Yesterday...

1. Ate wonderful french toast that Erin made for breakfast.
2. Watched When Harry Met Sally (and noticed some wonderful quotes I had never noticed before).
3. Went to Georgetown.
   
4. Shopped at H&M - Oh how I love it!
   
5. Ate wonderful coffee & oreo icecream.
   
6. Saw adorable row homes in Georgetown that made me desparately want to live in a big city.
   
7. Ate Tex-Mex outside of Texas. Not quite the same, in case you're wondering.
8. Went to Artomatic.

(Note: I wrote this Sunday, but didn't publish until Monday, so these events happened on Saturday, if you care.)

8 Things I Wish I Could Do...

1. Dance  (I have dance envy when I'm around Natalie & Julie)
   
2. Live somewhere where public transportation was a real option for getting around.
   
3. See my family more often.
   
4. Speak another language.  Sadly, the college spanish didn't stick! If you saw my grades you would understand.
5. Open my own bakery.
6. Take a photography class (which I know I can do, I just wish I could find time!)
   
7. Take more vacations.
   
8. Write. I totally wish I was better with words.

8 Shows I Watch...

1. The Office
   
2. 30 Rock
   
3. Lost (As much as I hate to admit it.  Although, I'm only on season 2)
   
4. Gossip Girl (This one is shameful, I know)
   
5. Brothers & Sisters
   
6. Chuck
   
7. Kings
   
8. Glee (New this Fall, the Pilot is out, I am going to be a huge fan I feel)

8 People I Tag...

Oh blah...do it if you want to!

God-sized goals...

I saw this quote on the Living Proof Ministries blog, and couldn't help but copy it.   

Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Grab life by the mane. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God. Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Expand your horizons. Accumulate experiences. Consider the lilies. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshipping what's right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze a new trail. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you're not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away. Chase the lion.                     - Mark Batterson

There are so many things in this quote that just resonate with my soul, but none as much as talk of setting God-sized goals and dreaming big.  If you know me well, you know that I tend to live life on the safe, some might say conservative side of things.  I have friends who work on commission - that freaks me out.  I have friends that have jobs that don't relate at all to their college major - not me! I have friends that have big, lofty, even scary goals for their lives.  Not me. I am a planner.  I like don't really like when things don't go according to that plan.  So, I sit in my little bubble.  Doing what I know will work out.  Doing what is safe.  I'm not sure how to step out of it, I've lived there most of my life.  Really, if I'm honest, I'm sitting here currently trying to formulate a plan to get myself to be a dreamer.   Ironic -  I don't think it works that way.  So, I guess I just move that way, one step at a time.