Friday, August 14, 2009


I've been in a funk. I think it started about when this happened...I just haven't realized it. A lot has happened this summer. From failing a test, to my living situation becoming unsure, to losing Mama, I have just been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster. You just have to love how when you're already there - in the ditch of your emotions - that Satan knows how to take you even farther. He taunts you with struggles that you had thought you had conquered years ago. He convinces you to believe hundreds of lies about yourself...about your relationships...about your place in the world.

Needless to say, life has not been pretty lately, I dare say it's been ugly. But God, in his infinite wisdom and timing, is always there. When you think you can't go farther into the emotional pit, you find yourself reading Psalm 143 . From the very first verse, I could relate to the psalmist when he said to the Lord, "come to my relief." Through the words of this psalm and the Shane Bernard song that comes pretty much directly from its verses, I decided I needed a new mindset about the place where I had gotten emotionally. Yes, I had been spending time with the Lord. Yes, I had been asking him to pull me from the pit. But the reasons I was asking him for it were about me. I wanted to feel better...plain and simple.

I don't think anyone would blame me for asking to be pulled out of the funk I was in. But the more I sat with the God's Word, the more I realized that I wanted God to have the glory for getting me out. The chorus of the Shane Bernard song says, "Revive me, Revive me, Not for me, But for Your name." That became my prayer that day. Revive me, FOR YOUR NAME, Lord. Revive me so that I can focus on serving the people you've placed in my life. Revive me so that You can use me in the lives of my high school girls as school starts back up. Revive me so that YOU will be glorified...not me. That is my new prayer. Things are shifting. I can feel it. It's slow, it's gradual, and it's still not easy, but I know that if I keep praying for God to be glorified, then I am going to be in the best place I can possibly be, funk or not.

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