Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Remembering Mama

I wish that I could take the words that Deborah spoke at Mama's funeral and post them right here on this blog. She did an excellent job of portraying who she was and how much she will be missed in our lives.

My precious Mama was a woman who loved God and loved people. And she was a fighter. These are three things that were consistently heard in the hours we spent at the hospice reminiscing and hearing from people who loved her.

She loved her family. She spent more hours than you could count loving me and my sisters. Slumber parties at her house. Trips to Amarillo to shop for back to school clothes. More clothes than you were allowed to take back in the TJ Maxx dressing rooms. Taking me to Olive Garden - just the two of us - and me thinking it was the biggest deal. Converting Papa's old workshop into a playroom for us - complete with pool table and dress up clothes. Taking me with her when she volunteered at the hospital. Sewing the three of us matching Christmas & Easter dresses every single year. She showed her love with her time and the way she lavished gifts on us. I swear we could have had enough gifts for a small nation of children under the tree every Christmas.

She loved everyone placed in her life. I thought it was normal from a young age to sit with all of her and Papa's friends and dinner parties and to play dominoes. She was so very intentional with all her relationships. When she moved into the retirement community where she'd been for the last seven years, she got a roster of everyone's name before she even moved and started learning their names and when she would meet them, she would mark them off. Such a people person.

She loved her God. Countless hours at the prayer room, bible studies, teaching Sunday School. And her life was just lived in a way you knew the love of Christ was flowing through her.

She was a fighter. Mama had a stroke thirteen years ago that left her without feeling in her entire right side. She never, not for one day of that thirteen years, stopped fighting. There was one physical struggle after another, more surgeries than you could count, and she kept on going, striving to be independent, and attempting to live as though there was nothing wrong with her body!

She was also a ball of fire - to the end. Things were done the way Mama thought they should be. Whether it was teaching me to make dressing (which is my favorite food) and making me add more of one season after another until you almost wanted to scream. Or us rearranging the furniture in her apartment until it was just so. Or how she had relayed a message to her housekeeper her last week in the hospital stay from the staph infection that she was coming home, so she needed to "dust, dust, dust".

All these are great & wonderful memories, but more importantly, I learned from my Mama what it looks like to honor God with your life. To love people the way He did. And to fight like crazy to make every single day He gives you on this earth count. That's the legacy my Mama left me. It's hard to imagine life without her. Sometimes I don't think it's really hit that she's gone - it came so fast. But I am so thankful that she is in heaven with our Saviour, no longer confined to a scooter, no longer in pain, and reaping the rewards of a life well lived.

Me with Mama as a little bitty baby. I was her first grandchild...I think she was kind of crazy about me :)


Me with Mama (on the right) and my dad's parents after my Baylor graduation. Mama was also a Baylor Bear - Sic 'Em!


The whole family with Mama at her 75th surprise birthday party a couple of years ago.


And a couple of the many, many dresses she sewed for us! (Check out the hair!!!)


Friday, August 07, 2009

I have put my hope in Your Word.

So...needless to say...this time in my life is a little interesting. The last month or so of emotional downers have left me a little drained. My community group has been doing Beth Moore's Esther bible study this summer and it has been wonderful, but I found myself longing for some less structured time in the Word. I've been slowly reading through the Psalms when I'm on breaks from structured bible studies. I was reading in Psalm 119 the other day and was just really hit with what my love of God's Word should look like. All through the psalm it talks about his love for the Word and how it sustains him. Here's just a sampling:

- I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your Word. (vs 16)
- My soul faints with longing for your salvation, but I have put my hope in your Word. (vs 81)
- Your Word, O LORD, is eternal; it stands firm in the heavens. (vs 89)
- Oh, how I love your law! I meditate on it all day long. (vs 97)
- How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! (vs 103)
- Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. (vs 105)
- Your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart. (vs 111)
- You are my refuge and my shield, I have put my hope in your Word. (vs 114)
- The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple. (vs 130)

I long to feel that way about God's Word. I think there are times in life when studying it has been joyful for me, but it has never been the thing I would stake my hope on or the thing I never neglect. I tend to get in a box-checking rut of just opening it every day because I am supposed to and forget the kind of life that can be found there. It's my desire that I would move out of seeing the Bible as a text book and a requirement and seeing as God's words to me, a help in my time of trouble, the place where I can be replinished when I am run down after a month like I have just had, and the words in which I can put all of my hope in.

Monday, August 03, 2009

Happy Birthday!

Two of my very special friends have birthdays today! Happy Birthday Emily & Lesley!!!

Me & Emily at Michelle's wedding reception. Em is one of my precious college friends. She lives in Nashville...we wish she was closer!! Roomie gatherings just aren't the same without her. Emily is one of the most fun friends I have, and also one of the most thoughtful. I can't wait to see you next month!!!! GAFIA here we come!!


Me & Lesley (on the right) with Darby at her bridal luncheon. Lesley and I have been friends since we were little. We grew up going to church together...and school of course...I mean, we're from Fritch, not somewhere were kids go to different schools! In high school we played on the golf team together. She is one of the few from high school who I still talk to, and I know it is because of her relentless pursuit of our friendship. She has always been someone who loves people...and I am so thankful that I can still call her my friend!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

July is almost over?!

Wow - it's been a long time since I posted on my blog. It has been a whirlwind month or so. From finding out I failed my test, to finding out our landlord is going to sell our house and having it put on the market, to one of our busiest months of the year at work, to the trips home to say
goodbye to Mama and then for the funeral. I feel like I haven't breathed normal or really been my normal self for a whole month. But I'm working on it. I'm working on getting discipline and a schedule back in my life with working out and studying again.

I'm looking at Boden on a daily basis during my lunch break and wanting to order cute fall
clothes, but restraining because it's months from being fall here, and because that whole discipline thing goes into my budget as well. But a girl can dream of wonderully colorful scarves & sweaters & skirts.

I guess that's really about all I've been up to. Really, just trying to get back into the routine of life. I've started a post about my Mama, but haven't been able to finish it yet. But I will, she was very special to me, and she deserves her place here...it just might take a little time.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Surreal

I'm sitting here. In a hospice. My Mama is dying. It came on sudden. It is sad, but she has been fighting the physical effects of a stroke since 1996, and I am happy that she is headed to a place where she'll be able to feel her whole body, not just her left side. Where she won't have to ride a scooter. And where she gets to be with the One who changed her life and made her the woman that she was.

Sitting with my family today, and reflecting on her life has made me so thankful for the legacy that she is leaving for me. I have a grandmother who loves Jesus with all her heart. I was thumbing through her bible today, and happened upon this verse underlined, with my name and 1983 written next to it: "But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children." She has sought the Lord with her life, she has served people, and she has taught me how to fight, and she will be missed so much.

I just got here today. I have been working this week, because of course, like everything else in life (think crazy surgery in the middle of tax filing season), it happens when work is crazy and the timing makes for insanity. I feel like I spent most of this week torn between two worlds. The world where I could be useful, and do my job, and the world where I really wanted to be, with my family. I am thankful that I get to be here now. With my family. It has fun to sit with my family and tell stories about her life and just remember who she has been in our lives. It has been emotional, but good.

I'm not sure why I'm sitting here writing this, but I haven't blogged in a while. It's what's going on in my life. So, there you have it.